


I vote yes

by 13uswntimagines (Swifty5h13), literalhedgehog



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Buffy the Vampire Slayer References, Swearing, chaotic energy, talking about sex, they say fuck a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swifty5h13/pseuds/13uswntimagines, https://archiveofourown.org/users/literalhedgehog/pseuds/literalhedgehog
Summary: Bella figures out that Edward is a vampire. Rather than tell him she knows, she decides to let him deduce that for himself and puts the completely hypothetical question of having sex with a vampire to a vote at lunch. A pro-cons list is made.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this post: ( https://www.instagram.com/p/CEeYKzmnDjO/) by openbookbells the other day. ANNND I got inspired to write this. So credits to openbookbells and gadotofrph for the idea. Hope I can do it justice

If Edward was a vampire- I could hardly make myself think the words- then what should I do? Involving someone else was definitely out. I couldn’t even believe myself, anyone I told would have me committed. 

Only two options seemed practical. The first was to take his advice: to avoid him as much as possible. But my mind rejected that plan, quickly skipping to the next option: doing nothing different. After all, he’d done nothing to hurt me so far. And when I thought about the two choices, I knew I had my answer. There was really no choice at all. 

But then, Edward didn’t come to school the next day. None of his family did. Then they didn’t come to school the next day. I couldn’t even focus on rereading S _ ense and Sensibility  _ because one of the heroes was named Edward. I snapped the book shut in annoyance and trudged up the stairs for another piece of classic lit. to disappear into. I slipped the book back into its spot on the top shelf and was considering whether I wanted to reread Alcott again or finally go buy some new books when a glance at the bottom shelf made me pause. 

There, next to books by Shelly and Silverstein, was Bram Stoker’s  _ Dracula _ . The cover was probably from the 80’s, featuring a swooning woman leaning back into a pale man’s embrace, his mouth on her neck. It oozed sex appeal. The mouth’s placement near her collarbone, her thin white dress, the hint of a smile on her lips. As if the photographer was trying to say “can you blame her for falling under his spell when he kisses like THAT?” I tried to imagine Edward in that picture, but couldn’t. He was certainly attractive enough, way more my type than the guy on the cover, but I didn’t see him being so… forward. Edward wasn’t innocent exactly, but he had that air to him like the one I got from my stepdad’s Mormon relatives at their wedding. I would be willing to bet that, like them, things like cursing and sex would make him super uncomfortable. And then I had an idea.

I brought  _ Dracula  _ with me to read while I went shopping in Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela. It had been a while since I read it, so I enjoyed skimming it while we waited for our food after dress shopping. I continued reading it the next day, and when I saw that a certain table in the cafeteria was occupied again, I put my plan into action. I put my book on my tray, plopped down into the seat next to Angela, and said “Hey, fun question for the table. Would you fuck a vampire? Yes or no?” From across the cafeteria, I saw three spines stiffen and a head whip around towards me. I continued looking at them as I picked up my water glass. “I vote yes.” 

“Ohhh that’s a good question,” Jessica piped up, sitting back in her seat. She twirled her fork around in the air, a piece of salad precariously hanging from a tine, “what are the parameters here? We talking like, classic dracula vampire? Buffy the Vampire slayer-esq? Cuz I would totally do Spike.”

“I thought you were into Angel?” Lauren asked, looking up from her phone.

“I mean, everyone’s into Angel. But Spike’s got that snarky bad-boy with a heart of gold thing going for him that you can’t help but love.”

“I think you must have gotten to a different season than me. But what do you say, Bella,” Angela said, turning to me, “what kind of vampires are included in this thought experiment?” 

“I don’t know, I was just thinking generic vampire,” I said shrugging. “You know, practically immortal, super strength, hearing of a bat, and so hot you just want to lick fudge off their abs.” Across the cafeteria I could see the girl with pixie hair (Alice?) seemingly struggling to hold in laughter, her shoulders shaking. The muscular boy wasn’t bothering to try and hide his laughter, he was leaning back in his chair, head thrown back. I couldn’t really see any of their expressions, but I could see Edward, head leaning on one hand, slumping down in his seat. Good.

“I’m with Bella,” Lauren said, tossing her silky blonde hair. “If they’re immortal that means they’ve had centuries to practice. Plus if they’re already dead then they never get tired. I bet he- ” she nodded towards my book cover, “knows exactly how to keep it going ALLL night. Sleep with the bloodsucker all the way.” 

“What’s going on ladies?” Tyler asked as he and Mike joined the table. I subtly slid my backpack on the chair next to me, so Tyler had to sit by Lauren instead of me. She visibly preened as he joined her.

“Hey, guys!” Jess said, looking up. She had pulled out her planner and was drawing a pro/con list in one of the back pages. “We’re just doing a thought experiment. Would you have sex with a vampire if the opportunity came up?” 

“Do lady vampires exist in this scenario?” Mike asked, opening a bag of chips and popping one in his mouth, “cus no offense to Dracula, but he’s not really my type.”

“I don’t see why not,” Jessica said, quickly looking at me for confirmation. I nodded. “So would you do it?”

“No way,” Tyler said shaking his head with a shudder, “Like what if there were teeth or something DOWN THERE?” 

“That’s not a thing,” Lauren said, wacking his arm with the back of her hand.

“It is a thing,” he protested, “I’ve heard about it in like, folk stories and shit. It’s just as likely as having sex with a vampire.” Across the cafeteria, the boy who had laughed so hard leaned over to talk to the blonde girl sitting next to him (are they the two Jessica said were dating?). She was leaned back, presumably inspecting her nails, but seemingly she said something witty in response. The way her boyfriend’s wide grin became visible from this side of the cafeteria and how deeply Edward seemed to sink into his seat made me think it was some kind of innuendo.

“So have sex with one of the hunky male vampires then,” Luren said impatiently, “Or like, don’t go to fourth base.”

“I’m not into anal,” Tyler said with a shrug. “And third base comes with the same problem, doesn’t it? Can you blame me for trying to avoid a situation where someone might bite my dick off?”

“Tyler brings up an excellent point,” Jessica said, punctuating the air with her pencil. “Not with the dick biting thing, because, well ew,” she wrinkled her nose, “but vampires do have fangs. Could that influence the experience?”

“It would probably make frenching more tricky,” Lauren admitted, nodding.

“Ugh, I hate to admit it, but I think I might have to agree with Tyler,” Angela said with a sigh.  “Like I don’t have anything against the sex part, but like, if you can’t trust their mouth then it kinda ruins the foreplay. And sex without foreplay- like what’s the point?”

“Oh come on, foreplay isn’t that important for sex,” Mike said. 

Jessica, Angela, Lauren, and I looked at him. Tyler looked down, eyebrows raised and lips pressed together. Mike froze in the process of eating a chip, clearly confused by the sudden attention. 

Then Jess turned back to Angela. “I think that depends on the assumption that their fangs are out all the time. We can’t ignore the idea that maybe they’re retractable or something.”

“Like the vampire face in Buffy?” Mike asked, rolling his eyes, “ugh, that show was so campy.”

“Yeah, something like that,” I cut in, since Jessica seemed to be having some kind of fit of rage. “If the fangs only come out on command then kissing -- or whatever kind of mouth action -- can be done relatively pain-free.”

“Unless they decide they want to drink your blood,” Angela said, looking at her watch and starting to get her things together. I checked my phone. Lunch was over in a few minutes. 

“They might not,” Jess argued, “Maybe they’re just in it for the sex.”

“And what, they just promise not to drink your blood afterwards?” Tyler said skeptically. 

“Okay, so clearly Tyler has some trust issues he needs to work on-”

“For not wanting to fuck a vampire? It’s a VAMPIRE Jess! They could kill me!”

“So could I,” I said mildly, ignoring the varied shocked and confused looks that were sent my way. “So could a car. Or a very dedicated duck. Vampires aren’t special because they can kill you, just in the way they do it. At least in this situation, it would probably be fast, and you’d be riding that sex hormone high to the end.”

There was a moment of quiet before Lauren spoke again. “So then the question really comes down to whether it’s worth the risk. Best night of your life in exchange for a brush with death.”

It was at that moment that the first bell rang. Angela, Lauren, and Tyler got to leave first since they had further to walk to their class, but Jess lagged behind to continue arguing with Mike. 

“It’s three on three Jess. Tyler, Angela, and I say no, you, Bella, and Lauren say yes. You’re not going to change my mind, so find someone else to be your tiebreaker.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous Mike, I’m not going to --”

“How about you guys?” I said, turning to the table we had just reached. Mike and Jessica froze, not sure how the Cullens would react to me approaching them. Alice had quickly plastered a look of confused interest on her face, and the curly-haired boy sitting next to her seemed to be trying to do the same through twitching lips. The muscular boy, in contrast, had a huge grin on his face, though the blonde beauty next to him remained expressionless as she looked at me. Edward looked up with an expression that could only be described as pained. I ignored him as I continued, “Vampire sex- allegedly the best fucking experience you’ll ever have, but there’s a chance it’ll be the last experience you ever have. Worth the risk? We need a tie-breaker for our argument, so do you have any thoughts? What about you lab-buddy?” I smiled placidly at him.

Edward looked down and muttered something about not really having any thoughts on the subject. Instead, it was Rosalie who spoke up, the hint of a smile on her lips, “There’s a reason  _ la petite mort _ is another word for an orgasm, isn’t there?”

Edward’s head snapped up, “That doesn’t actually answer their question Rosalie, and --”

“I was getting to it if you’d let me finish-”

“-Sounds rather hypocritical considering what you told me last week--”

“You know,” Alice said thoughtfully over her siblings’ muttered argument, “I think if you live your life trying to avoid death, you risk never really  _ living _ , you know?”

“So, you’d say yes, because YOLO?” Mike asked, with a nervous attempt at a joke. 

Alice smiled back at him. “More or less. I mean there are definitely some risks you can avoid or mitigate through foresight and proper planning. In this case, you know it’s a vampire you are getting close to, so presumably this isn’t some one-night-stand situation.”

“And if you know them well, then you know you can trust them not to kill you,” I said, looking at Edward.

“True, or at least you can prepare to either defend yourself or have someone else avenge you should things go badly,” she responded, with a grin. Standing she said, “We should probably go, class will start soon. Nice talking with you guys!”

I smiled back, then turned to Jessica and Mike. “Let’s go guys.” I looked back over my shoulder as I walked away, catching Edward’s eyes. “See you in class, Edward.” Then to strike one last blow, I winked at him. 

I walked on air the rest of the way to the science lab, relishing the memory of the expression frozen on his face as I turned away, his siblings’ laughter serenading me as I walked away.


	2. A different perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had several people ask me for a new chapter, and I felt inspired. There is also going to be a third chapter coming soonish. But yeah.  
> Also, not going to lie, I did check out Midnight Sun from my library, but there shouldn't be any spoilers. We’re still following my alternate timeline because I do what I want, and Ballsey Bella is my favorite. So here is a follow up telling the account of what was going on at the Cullen’s table from a different perspective.
> 
> Special thanks to my tumblr friend 13uswntimagines for help writing the sexual innuendos and other banter.

My brother is an idiot. 

Well, I suppose both of them are, but at least Emmett is reliable. Emmett is usually open and honest about his feelings, and will usually act on them unless cautioned otherwise. Emmett wouldn’t give me a headache by constantly changing his mind about what he wanted to do about a situation and telling himself that his feelings aren’t that strong, making his future shift almost constantly, and still blame me when I can’t accurately predict the future actions of his girlfriend. Sorry, not girlfriend, because he still can’t make up his mind about what he wants to do about his feelings. Thus the headache. 

And it wasn’t like I wasn’t busy. From the moment Edward texted me that weekend that Bella was reading Bram Stoker while shopping in Portland, I had to scan possible futures for catastrophe. I didn’t have time to stalk my not-girlfriend and watch her sleep -- which seems a little obsessive in my opinion, but I’m hardly going to complain since every time he does it I have fewer visions of him going carnivore -- I spent my weekend watching for visions of her telling a friend, or Carlisle being confronted at work, or people chasing us with pitchforks. I saw nothing that I hadn’t been seeing since miss Swann moved to Forks, but I still had to evaluate each and every one. It kept me so busy I didn’t even have time to do my homework! I mean, Jasper knows my handwriting well enough that he did it for me in a minute, but still. 

So I’m sorry. I looked at most of our potential futures YEARS into the future, but I missed the scene from lunch yesterday where Bella made a decision that would have zero impact on our ability to continue living in Forks. And honestly, had I seen it, I probably wouldn’t have done anything to stop it. It was worth going through 50 different versions of the argument I had with Edward on the way home. (Well, showing Edward my predictions of our arguments. It does help when you can show yourself winning an argument ahead of time.)

It started at lunch. Lunch time is always the worst for us. It’s not even that we are sitting in a room filled with the smell of, well people, arguably a food source we can’t eat. That is unpleasant of course, but what’s worse is the complete boredom of the action. We could bring books or talk, but generally we just have to sit there, waiting for the period to end. Waiting, and watching Jasper in my case. My love is still new to our vegetarian lifestyle, but his gift makes it so much harder for him. When Jasper isn’t controlling the emotions around him, he is very easily affected by them. What emotion can he feel in this cafeteria but hunger? The hunger of our human classmates, to eat and feel full. The hunger of our siblings, both in the thirst for blood but also the desire to leave this room. And in Edward’s case, the hunger for Bella Swan.

Edward watched her intently as she walked into the cafeteria with Jessica. He had been toying with the idea of sitting with her at lunch all day, all weekend really. I think he finally decided against it when I told him that I didn’t see her sitting alone with him today. Because yes, I did look to see if there would be any unusual behavior at lunch today. There wasn’t. I saw her sitting with her friends, or gesturing for him to join her and her friends at their lunch table. I don’t think I saw any visions with him at her lunch table though. I doubt he would be inclined to join them. It was all too easy to imagine Jessica Stanley choosing a topic of conversation that would make him uncomfortable. 

“Hey, fun question for the table. Would you fuck a vampire? Yes or no?” We heard Bella say as she sat down across the cafeteria. Edward, Jasper, and I sat up in our seats, unintentionally reacting to the word, while Emmett immediately whipped his head around to look wide-eyed at her. “I vote yes.”

“What the actual fuck, Edward?” Rosalie hissed under her breath, though she still appeared to look at her nails. Over at the other table, Jessica and Lauren were beginning to discuss pop-culture vampires. 

“I couldn’t prepare for something I didn’t know was coming,” Edward hissed back. “Alice, I thought you were watching for unpredictable behavior!” I didn’t even bother to look at him. He knew exactly what my thoughts were on the subject. I did however scan the near and distant future, and once AGAIN found that nothing had changed. 

Over at the other table, Angela turned to Bella “what kind of vampires are included in this thought experiment?” We were all listening to hear her response over the noise of the cafeteria. “I don’t know, I was just thinking generic vampire,” She shrugged, leaning back in her chair. “You know, practically immortal, super strength, hearing of a bat, and so hot you want to lick fudge off their abs.” Edward practically disappeared into his seat as Emmett threw his head back laughing. _At least it would stay cold that way_ , I thought, looking at Edward, while trying to hold in my own laughter. Next to me, Jasper was smiling in that subtle way of his. I don’t know that we had been this happy at a school since the last time we went to college together. 

“Chill out Eddie, it’s not like they’re after the _big_ secret anyway,” Emmett threw at him.

“I’m with Bella,” Lauren said, “If they’re immortal they’ve had centuries to practice. Plus if they’re already dead then they never get tired. I bet he knows exactly how to keep it going all night. Sleep with the bloodsucker all the way.”

“Oh dear,” Rosalie muttered, “Aren’t they in for a disappointing surprise when they realize their captain hasn’t been practicing the motion of the ocean.” 

“He wouldn’t even know where to begin parting the seas,” Emmett said. “Much less how to find the promised land.”

At the other table the girls were joined in their discussion by Mike and Tyler. When Jessica asked them about their thoughts of vampire sex I think Edward visibly cringed. I can only imagine what their first thoughts were. Of course, I hardly needed to imagine it when Tyler asked “if there were teeth or something down there?” 

“Only if you’re really feeling kinky,” Emmett said, raising his eyebrows suggestively at Rosalie. She didn’t even look up at him when she responded.

“You remember what happened last time you tried that shit sweetheart?” 

“Yes ma’am,” Emmett drawled, grinning at her. Beside me, Jasper reached over to take my hand in his. I brushed his fingers lightly with my thumb. 

“Maybe that’s what little Eddie is so scared of,” Emmett said, listening again to the conversation at the other table, “losing his prized possession if he actually took Tanya up on her offer-”

“Shut up Emmett,” Edward hissed, glaring up at him. Rosalie flicked her eyes up but seemed to decide it wasn’t worth getting involved. 

"If you’re worried about your inexperience disappointing someone, I’m sure we could find a medical textbook at home somewhere to explain the basics. Or Jasper and I could give you some tips!”

“Leave me out of this,” Jasper murmured. 

“Remember,” Emmett continued, as though Jasper hadn’t spoken. “It’s all about the foreplay-”

“Sex without foreplay- like what’s the point?” Angela said, from across the room. “Oh come on,” Mike’s voice followed skeptically, “foreplay isn’t that important for sex,” 

“Who do you want to listen to?” Emmett said triumphantly, “nerd girl or your competition-” 

“He’s not my competition.”

“Not with sex etiquette like that,” Emmett said, shaking his head. “Surely we raised you to do better than that.”

“You didn’t raise me at all,” Edward said, looking only slightly more angry than pained, “I am 14 years older than you.”

“Only based on date of birth,” Emmett scoffed, waving a hand. 

“I’ve been a vampire 17 years longer than you,” Edward argued, glaring at Emmett. “I literally helped teach you how to hunt.”

“And yet,” Emmett said, as the bell rang in the background, “you know nothing about women. Because you’ve been convinced this girl would be scared of you if she knew the truth. It sounds to me like baby Bella wants to bang.”

I glanced up. “They’re coming over,” I whispered, barely moving my lips. Emmett leaned back in his chair, resuming his usual air of casual arrogance, though he still grinned at Edward’s continued discomfort. I saw Jasper struggling to maintain an expression of boredom. Our amusement must have been intoxicating. 

“How about you guys,” Bella said, stopping next to our table. I looked at her as though I hadn’t just heard their entire conversation, though something about the gleam in her eyes told me she knew otherwise. “Vampire sex- allegedly the best fucking experience you’ll ever have, but there’s a chance it’ll be the last experience you ever have. Worth the risk? We need a tie-breaker for our argument, do you have any thoughts? What about you lab-buddy?” She smiled at Edward, who looked down and muttered. I knew that she and I were going to be friends someday, but if I hadn’t, seeing her torture my moralizing brother like this would have made up my mind. 

Rosalie spoke up in response to Bella’s question, smiling devilishly (for her), There’s a reason _la petite mort_ is another word for an orgasm, isn’t there?” 

Edward’s head snapped up, “That doesn’t actually answer their question Rosalie, and --”

“I was getting to it if you’d let me finish-”

“-Sounds rather hypocritical considering what you told me last week--”

“You know,” I said, cutting lightly into their argument, “I think if you live your life trying to avoid death, you risk never really _living_ , you know?” I felt Jasper look at me, projecting his admiration and interest as he did. I think he too wanted to hear the rest of this conversation, and unintentionally encouraged the three humans to forget about the three minutes they had to get to class. 

“So, you’d say yes, because YOLO?” Mike asked, jokingly. 

“More or less,” I said, smiling at him. “I mean there are definitely some risks you can avoid or mitigate through foresight and proper planning. In this case you know it’s a vampire you are getting close to, so presumably this isn’t some one-night stand situation.”

“And if you know them well, then you know you can trust them not to kill you,” Bella said, looking at Edward.

“True, or at least you can prepare to either defend yourself or have someone else avenge you should things go badly,” I responded, grinning at her. Like how I would absolutely KILL my brother if he went all Kujo on my future best friend. Standing I said, “we should probably go, class will start soon. Nice talking with you guys!”

Bella smiled back, then turned to Jessica and Mike. “Let’s go guys.” Then as she walked away she looked back over her shoulder and said “See you in class, Edward,” and winked. The crack of Edward’s plastic lunch tray breaking was covered up by Emmett and my laughter, which after a second Jasper and Rosalie joined in. 


End file.
